Many people say that they are not angry at anyone but they say they just feel “hurt,” when I ask them how they feel. Usually, they mean that they feel unloved, unwanted, unimportant, or worthless. I like to just use the word “hurt” in talking about these feelings. This feeling is very common and it is a belief-based emotion. 

The underlying beliefs connected to feeling hurt are usually beliefs like, “I am unimportant, I am not wanted, loved, or valued, my feelings are not important, I am worthless, no one cares for me, I cannot measure up no matter how hard I try, I am unacceptable, I am a burden, I am in the way, and I cannot please others because of _____________.” 

Sometimes people say they are hurt, but they are really just angry, in which case they can make a list of the reasons for their anger and just give them to the Lord to be set free. But if they also have feelings of worthlessness and feeling unloved, then they need help in identifying these beliefs and praying for truth to be set free.

When I first saw Jerry he was abusing meth and he was desperate for some medications to calm him. He told me that he was so angry that he was afraid that he might kill someone. As we talked I learned that he had good reason to be angry. He had been badly abused by his stepfather, who also was extremely violent to his mother until Jerry was old enough to fight back and to protect her. 

Not surprisingly he became addicted to drugs as an adolescent, and he had a lot of anger inside. We met for several sessions and discussed his anger toward his wife for her infidelity, his anger toward his brother, and his anger toward his stepfather who had abused him and his mother. Each time we met he was able to release his anger and to gain more peace. After several sessions his anger was gone and his depression had dropped from a rating of 10 to a rating of 2.

But there was one person whom he never mentioned in our sessions, his biological father. When I asked him what was causing his low-level depression, he stated that he felt hurt and rejected by his former wife, so I asked him the first time he felt such rejection and he said it was at age 8. His parents were divorced, and when his mother met his stepfather, Jerry could tell that he was unwanted by the stepfather. Once his mother married him they often fought about Jerry. But his mother became ill and could not care for him, so Jerry hoped that he would be able to live with his real father because his stepfather was abusive and did not want him. He had been seeing his father about once per month prior to this, but when his father was asked to take care of Jerry he began making excuses. Jerry felt that his dad didn't want him and so he began to feel that he was an inconvenience and was in the way. These feelings were still very strong, as if this had happened yesterday.

I asked permission to pray for him, then I prayed, “Lord, what do you want Jerry to know about this belief that he was an inconvenience and was in the way?” He told me the following thoughts came into his mind: "I know I’m not an inconvenience. I am important; I’m not in the way. I am a good person. I’m not a burden.” I asked him if these thoughts felt true and he said they did. I asked him what changed his mind from a few minutes earlier when it felt true that he was inconvenient and a burden and he said that God had put the truth in his mind after we had prayed. He said, “The words just popped in my head like flash cards.”

I asked him to think about his former wife who left him and had an affair, and asked him how he felt while thinking about her. He said that it didn't upset him anymore, since he had resolved his feelings about his father. He knew that he was important and that her rejection was just due to her own issues. His depression was completely gone after having prayed about his feelings of hurt and rejection.

We reviewed our previous sessions and how the Lord had removed all of his anger and hurt feelings and replaced it with His peace. Jerry was smiling, relaxed, and appeared to be truly at peace. He began attending church faithfully, praying, reading his Bible, and feeling positive about his family and his future. When I first saw him he was so violently angry that he was afraid that he could kill someone, but after several sessions he was a completely new person. What a difference it makes when the Lord renews our minds, carries our burdens for us, and replaces our inner lies with the truth. Today Jerry is indeed a “new creature” in Christ!