Marriage is from God and is rooted in the Bible. In Genesis 2:18 the Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” In chapter two of Genesis the Bible says that the Lord cast the man Adam into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs and formed a woman from it, then brought her to him. The Bible then says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). God created women to be helpers for their husbands, and he made women different so that they could enjoy and complement each other.

God also created mankind male and female, so that it requires both to procreate and to reproduce children to perpetuate the human race. It was also part of his plan that they remain together to raise those children, because both the father and the mother provide unique benefits for the children. It is ideal for a man to be a hard worker so he can provide for the physical and financial needs of the family, while the wife bears children and nurtures and cares for them as they grow up. The Bible says, marriage is a good thing and “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

The Barna Research Group periodically conducts surveys across the United States to monitor the state of marriage in the country. In September of 2008 they found that most people desired marriage. “Among all adults 18 and older, three out of four (78%) have been married and half (51%) are currently married” (Barna, 2008).

They also found that, “Among those who have been married, more than one out of every three (35%) have also been divorced … 18% of them divorced multiple times.” They concluded that, “The likelihood of married adults getting divorced is identical among born again Christians and those who are not born again.”

When they broke down the divorce statistics by denominations they found that the divorce rates of all protestant churches were 34%, non-denominational churches were 29%, Catholics were 28%, and Evangelicals and Conservatives were 26%. Interestingly, Asians had a divorce rate of 20% due to cultural differences, which is lower than that of most churches.

THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE

A national survey found the most frequently cited cause of emotional distress was relationship problems, including divorce, separation, and other marital strains. In a study of 800 employee assistance program clients, 65% rated family problems as “considerable” or “extreme.” Thus, divorce and marital problems are a major source of stress for adults.

In Genes, Environment, and Psychopathology, by Kenneth Kendler and Carol Prescott (2006), researchers found that parental deaths in childhood led to depression, but the emotional impact of the death diminished over time. In contrast, parental divorce was found to be strongly related to the development of a wide range of problems, including anxiety, depression, anger, oppositional behavior, and substance abuse. In addition, the impact of parental divorce upon the child’s tendency to abuse alcohol never decreased over time. Therefore, divorce has a strong negative impact upon children that lasts long into their adult years.

A Christian couple came for help with their marriage. The husband admitted he had some anger issues but said that he had never been abusive with his wife. He was calm and rational and admitted that he was very close to divorce but he came hoping that somehow his marriage could be saved.

The wife was a very emotional person who had a history of abuse, and she had made some serious accusations of her husband that he strongly denied and which sounded delusional. Although she admitted that she had some problems, she insisted that she had already been “healed” and she didn’t believe that she needed any help. She just wanted her husband to get healed, and she got upset and angrily vented non-stop for the entire first session. It looked pretty “hopeless” after this first session.

In the second session they met separately with different prayer counselors and both of them made a list of reasons for their anger and released them. We were hopeful but then the wife got upset at her husband for some things he had written down confidentially about his feelings and she refused to come anymore for counseling. I had no choice but to try to meet with the husband privately and help him deal with his underlying emotional issues, although he seemed to be the most stable and mature partner and his wife really seemed to need the most help.

In the next session with the husband I developed a prayer plan for him that included three losses, four sources of anger, and some feelings of shame he needed to resolve. We first discussed his grief over the loss of a former girlfriend and his father, so he made a list of what he missed about each of them and gave it to the Lord. His grief was immediately lifted and he felt much better.

In our next session he prayed about some anger that he had toward a former girlfriend and toward a man who had mistreated his father and hurt the family. We also prayed about some feelings of guilt and shame he had toward his father who died young. He felt extremely guilty for not helping his father financially when he could have, before he died an early, painful death. He admitted that he believed, “I’m bad and shameful and a failure because I did not help my dad.”

I prayed and asked the Lord what he wanted this man to know about those beliefs, and the thoughts that came to his mind were, “I’ve always been with you and always will be.” At this point he said he had a picture of Jesus come into his mind with His arm around this man, comforting him. He began sobbing and weeping heavily, and I asked the Lord if there was anything else He wanted this man to know. This time he said Jesus reminded him of His scars and said, “It’s finished!” He then visualized all his sins in a burning trash heap and said Jesus had cast them all into the fire. This was a very emotional experience for this husband, but afterwards he said he felt completely “at peace” and said, “I’m forgiven.”

This husband received so much relief and healing from this last session that his anger left, and he began responding differently to his wife. They began getting along well and were satisfied and no longer talked about divorce. For the next two years they continued to do very well even though the wife never got healing for her past abuse. This was a very difficult case that seemed hopeless at one point, but the Lord brought healing to the husband and saved this marriage even though the wife may have had worse problems than him.