overcoming ALONENESS


ALONENESS: Feelings of aloneness are belief-based emotions that are generally connected to thoughts or beliefs like the following: "I'm all alone, no one cares about me, I'm abandoned, not even God cares about me, I will always be alone, no one understands me, God has forsaken me, there is no one to protect me, they will never come back for me."

Aloneness is a belief-based emotion because many people enjoy being alone or are not bothered by being alone. However, when someone feels "lonely" they feel badly about themselves when they are along because they believe "I am unloved," "I am unloveable," or "I am alone and rejected because something is wrong with me." The truth is that we are never truly alone, even when there is no one around us, because God is always with us; we simply need to realize this and speak with God and hear the truth from Him. King David wrote in Psalm 23:4, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."  Likewise, Hebrews 13:5 says, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you." 

jesus was truly alone on the cross

Aloneness is an extremely painful emotion. When people feel completely and utterly alone, and hopeless of ever finding companionship, they often become suicidal. But when they turn to Jesus and cry out to Him, they find that He is always near them and is with them to help them. The Bible says that God desires for us to "seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us" (Acts 17:27). 


But, when Jesus was hanging on the cross and dying for our sins, He was truly alone and was abandoned by all His earthly friends and even by His Heavenly Father. It was His loneliness that led Him to cry out, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?" (Matthew 27:46). During that time from when He was crucified and until He was resurrected, He was all alone; totally and utterly destitute and alone because He was paying for our sins.  It was the aloneness, more than the physical suffering, that caused Him to cry out in anguish to the Father, who turned His back on Jesus while He was bearing our sins. But we do not have to experience such aloneness because Jesus promised to always be with us. We can overcome our false sense of aloneness by using the following three steps for overcoming aloneness.

overcoming aloneness

STEP ONE:

Identify the source of your feelings of aloneness, when you first felt alone.

STEP TWO:

Identify the beliefs you have about the event such as “I was all alone, No one cared for me or loved me, I will always be alone.”

STEP THREE:

While remembering the event and thinking these thoughts, say a simple prayer and ask the Lord what he wants you to know about those beliefs. Then listen quietly and see what thoughts come to your mind.

wife overcomes feelings of aloneness

A young mother of four children was deeply hurt by her husband when she discovered that he was spending private time with a female fellow employee, and had become emotionally involved with her. He admitted his emotional infidelity and was embarrassed and apologized to his wife about it. He admitted also that he felt depressed and this had made him vulnerable to the attentions of his female co-worker.


His wife met with a counselor and discussed her anger. She was willing to release her anger, and after making a list of her resentments toward her husband she asked the Lord to take them from her and replace it with His peace. When the counselor asked her how she felt afterwards she stated that she no longer felt any anger toward her husband, but she felt alone.


 “When is the first time that you can remember feeling such feelings of aloneness?” the counselor asked. “When I was 9 years old my father was depressed and committed suicide,” she replied. “I felt all alone with no one to comfort me or talk with me.”


 “Could I say a prayer for you?” her counselor asked. With her permission he prayed and asked the Lord what He wanted her to know about her belief as a child that she was all alone with no one to care for her. Then he asked her if any thoughts had come into her mind. She answered, “I wasn’t alone; God was with me and He took care of me. He is going to take care of me now; He is in control.”


 “Do those thoughts feel true?” the counselor asked. She said that they did. She told him that she felt comforted and peaceful. All her feelings of anger were released first, and then her feelings of aloneness were released. Once she prayed, she knew the truth that she was never alone and it felt true to her.


applying the principles to aloneness

PRAY FOR TRUTH:

When you feel a deep sense of aloneness, talk to the Lord and ask Him "What truth do you want me to know right now about my belief that I am all alone?"  He may bring a thought to your mind that takes away your feelings of aloneness.  


ASK THE LORD TO TAKE YOU TO THE ORIGINAL SOURCE OF THE FEELINGS:

If not, ask Him to take you to the source when you first felt alone. If a memory comes to mind, identify the situation you were in at the time and the thoughts that were going through your mind. 


LISTEN TO THE LORD'S THOUGHTS TO YOU

While thinking about this early memory, ask the Lord what is the truth that He wants you to know. Then listen quietly and He will bring you the truths you need to know to be free from your feelings of aloneness.


WHEN YOU DON'T HEAR FROM THE LORD

If you pray about a memory and nothing comes to your mind from the Lord, it usually means that you have some anger or resentment in your heart that is preventing you from hearing from God. Take a few minutes to make a list of the resentments you have, and ask the Lord to take it all from you. Then pray again and ask Him, again, what He wants you to know about your beliefs that you wer all alone. Once you have given all your anger to the Lord, you should hear some truths from the Lord that will take away your feelings of aloneness. 

childhood memories

Many times feelings of aloneness are rooted in childhood memories of a time when we felt all alone. If you remember such times, talk to the Lord about it, tell Him that you felt all alone, and ask Him for the truth. He will give you the truth that you need in order to be set free from those feelings of aloneness and the lies you believed as a child. You will come to know the truth, and the truth will set you free!