In Ephesians 4:26-27 the apostle Paul tells us, "Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."

1.  ANGER IS NORMAL.  It is not wrong to be angry, because this scripture tells us to "be angry." Anger is a normal emotion that we feel when someone hurts us, wrongs us, or commits an injustice. Even Jesus, the Son of God, became angry on a number at the religious leaders of the Jews. The most notable time was when he went to the temple in Jerusalem and found it full of temple traders and money changers who had turned the temple into a "den of robbers and thieves." He had a righteous anger, and in His anger, He drove them out saying, "My house is a house of prayer!" 

       When we are wronged or when we witness a serious wrong, such as the abuse of a child, it should make us angry if we have any sense of the justice of God and how bad it is to harm children. Jesus also said, "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." To witness the experience the shooting of young children in a school should make everyone angry. 

2.  ANGER CAN LEAD TO SIN. 

The second thing that Paul says in this passage is "Yet, do not sin." In this statement, Paul is acknowledging that we must be very careful when we are angry because it very often leads us to say and do things that we later regret. In James 1:20, James said, "The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."  Each of us can testify to this, that when we are angry we think things, and have the impulse to do things, that would be sinful. So, even though anger is normal, we cannot afford to hold onto our anger for long, because it will lead us to sin if we do.

3.  WE MUST LEARN HOW TO RELEASE OUR ANGER.

The third thing that Paul says about anger is, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger."  In other words, "Don't go to bed angry." This is very difficult to do when you have been seriously harmed or when something terrible has happened, but the standard given to us in the Bible is clear. It seems unreasonable to us because anger is such a natural emotion and can be so difficult to release. Someone has said that, "To err is human, but to forgive is divine."  Jesus demonstrated this divine quality when He was being crucified on the cross and He cried out, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing!" (Luke 23:34).  The early Christians took this teaching very literally and when the first Christian martyr was being stone, he cried out in Acts 7:60, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!" The Bible teaches us this principle of forgiveness "before the sun goes down" and Jesus even said in Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions."

4.  ANGER CAN BE VERY HARMFUL AND DESTRUCTIVE.

The fourth thing that Paul teaches us about anger is, "Do not give the devil an opportunity." When we hold onto our anger overnight, it becomes resentment the next morning and it continues to grow and deepen each day we hold onto it. It gives the devil an opportunity in our lives to destroy our marriage, to damage our ability to discipline our children in love, it can lead us to abuse drugs or alcohol in order to feel better, and it damages our relationship with God. When we hold onto anger, it is sinful and it prevents us from being able to hear the voice of God when we need comfort or direction. Jesus even taught that when we refuse to forgive others, He will allow the enemy (the devil) to afflict us. In Matthew 18: 21-35 Peter asked the Lord "how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?" Jesus told His disciples about a rich man who forgave one of his servants a huge debt, but then that servant refused to forgive someone who owed him a small debt. and Jesus said, "His lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart."  If we do not forgive others quickly, the devil will use our anger and resentment to destroy us.

One of the top researchers in the field of anger management, Ray DiGuiseppe, Ph.D. wrote, “Anger management classes, I think, are a Band-aid; they allow people to feel they have done something, but they haven’t had any kind of real treatment.” In a 2003 review of 92 anger-management programs, including 1841 participants he concluded that such classes can reduce angry outbursts in some motivated people. However, it does not remove their anger.

The reason that anger management classes do not work is because most angry people are angry for good reasons and not due to some distorted thinking. Counselors try to correct the distorted thinking of people who are full of anger, but usually their anger is rooted in past injuries that have wounded them. People who have been wronged need to learn that their anger is understandable and justifiable, but they need help in learning how to release their justified anger so that it will not destroy them or lead to destructive, sinful behaviors.

      I was asked to provide counseling for a young man in a group home who was 17 years old. He was one of the more mature young men in this facility and he tried to follow the rules of the home and cooperate with the staff. When I first met with him, I asked him what he wanted help with, and he said, “My anger.” I asked him to give me an example of a recent time when he got angry and he said, “Just this last weekend I got angry.” I asked him what happened, and he said, “One of the other boys said something to me that made me mad, so I got in his face and was ready to jump on him until the staff rushed in and separated us. I was so mad that I couldn’t calm down for half an hour. Then it happened again the next day; another boy said something that made me mad, and I got in his face and was ready to hit him when the staff came rushing in and separated us again. It took me thirty minutes, again, to calm down. Then I started getting angry at the staff who were intervening; I’ve been angry at everyone all week!”

     “So, do you want to get rid of this anger?” I asked. He nodded and said, “Yes, I’m tired of it; it gets me in trouble all the time.” “Well, let me ask you this,” I said. “When is the first time that you can remember getting really mad like this?” Without a moment’s hesitation he said, “When I was eight years old.” “What happened when you were eight?” I asked him.

     “My parents were divorced and all of us kids lived with our mom, and sometimes she would take me and my little brother over to Dad’s house and we would hang out with him and play, then she would come get us and take us home. When I was eight years old, one day my mother took us to our dad’s house and dropped us off and said, ‘I’m going to the store down the street on the corner to get some cigarettes; then I will come back to pick you up.’ So, she took off and my brother and I began to play. We played for quite a while, then stopped to look up for Mom to see if she was on her way, but we couldn’t see her so we kept on playing. Then it started to get dark and I finally realized that my mother was not coming back. That was the last time that I ever saw her.” He continued, “When that happened, I was so angry that I stayed angry for two solid years! I didn’t care about anything; I didn’t care about school and began skipping it, I began getting into a lot of fights, and I began drinking and using drugs because I was so mad!”

     “Well, I don’t blame you for being angry,” I responded. “I would be angry too if my mother did that to me. That’s just normal to be angry about something like that; you have a right to be angry. But that was nine years ago; do you want to stay angry, or would you like to get rid of that?” “No, I’m tired of getting angry and getting in trouble all the time,” he said. “I’d like to get rid of it.”

     “Well, I can show you how to do that. There are basically two things you have to do,” I explained. “The first thing you have to do is just be honest about why you are angry at your mother. Why are you angry at her?”

     “Well, she was a pretty good mother until this happened,” he said, “but it makes me angry that she lied to me, she abandoned me, and she hasn’t called me even once in the last nine years.”

     “Okay, that’s a short list but it’s an honest list,” I said. “Now the second step is, would you be willing to say a simple prayer and just tell God why you are angry at her, then ask Him to take your anger from you?” He paused for a moment then said, “I’m not a religious person, but I believe in God and prayer and I’m willing to give it a try.”

     I led him in a prayer in which he told the Lord what he resented about his mother. He prayed, “Lord, when I think about my mother it makes me mad. It makes me mad that she lied to me, it makes me mad that she abandoned me, and it makes me mad that she hasn’t called me once in the last nine years.” Then he said, “Lord, all of this makes me angry, but I’m tired of being angry, so right now I choose to give all this to You, and I ask You to please take it from me and carry it for me. I give it to you now, in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

     When he was finished with the prayer I said to him, “Okay, now think about your mother and tell me how you feel.” He thought for a few moments and said, “I feel a lot better; I feel like a load was lifted from me.” “Okay, that’s good,” I said. “Now, think about your mother and that day that she lied to you and abandoned you.” He sat there for a short while and then said, “I don’t feel angry. I just feel calm about her.” Then he said, “You know, I haven’t seen my mother for nine years; I’d like to see her again.”

     When he said this, it shocked me, because I wasn’t expecting to hear that so quickly, but I said to him, “Well, you’re going home to your father’s house this weekend, aren’t you? Why don’t you talk to him and see if he could arrange for you to see your mother?” He agreed to do that and went home for the weekend. When he told his father that he’d like to see his mother again, it shocked his father also, because he knew how angry this boy was at his mother, and the father was still angry at her for divorcing him.

     It was fascinating to see this young man when he came back to the Boys’ Home; he was calm, and his explosive temper was gone. He had normal anger that lasted for a few minutes but he no longer wanted to kill someone or destroy something when he became angry. I was amazed because I had never seen this before when I taught Anger Management classes, but I realized that the reason why it worked was because we had gone to the source of his anger, his mother, and he had released it.

One of the most important things that Christians must do to help stop the violence in America, is to learn how to release their anger through the two simple steps identified here, and to then make a pledge to never let the sun go down on their anger again.  We must take this command from the Lord and from His Word seriously, and commit ourselves to living by it.

This needs to begin with the church because church-going people are normal and most of them have many unresolved feelings of anger and resentment that they have carried from their childhood. Unfortunately, most churches don't preach this very clearly or very often, but believers must set the example for the world to see.  Peter said in 1 Peter 4:16-17, "If anyone suffers as a Christian, he is not to be ashamed, but is to glorify God in this name.  For it is time for judgment to being with the household of God." If we do not practice the principle of forgiveness daily, we cannot teach those outside the church how to overcome their anger. We must individually pledge to the Lord to never again let the sun go down on your anger.  If you have not done this, take a moment right now to pray and make this pledge to the Lord. 

Dr. Gardner has a supply of teal-colored wristbands that say, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger" and he will send one to you if you request it from him.